It has been a while since I did a blog and this one is going to be different to what I normally write. I am going to share with you (and in particular all those single ladies looking for that special someone) what to look out for when going onto the dating websites.
Ladies I know we get lonely, we want to have that someone special in our lives. I was very hesitant to go onto the dating site again. Don’t be so eager to hook up with that first one that you think is Mr Right. (I mean really, is there a Mr Right?) I certainly don’t think he would be on the dating site, that’s for sure – but who knows? Don’t think that the one that ticks all the right boxes – good looks, he seems to match you on so many levels on your needs and expectations is the right one. There are some good guys out there – but they are few and far between – at least that is what I have experienced.
I’d like to share an experience on a dating website that you pay to belong to. You would think this should be safe and probably have some decent men too and that there is no way the scammers or con artists will get on here. But they do! Yes! They do!
So contact is made with a man who called himself Ben – supposedly Italian and grew up in France. Had 2 daughters studying at Stellenbosch University. He lived in Sandton on Rivonia Rd and worked in Alberton at some construction company (which proved legit).
He was consistent – let’s give him that. He called 3 times a day to chat. It was a very platonic friendship which was a change seeing as every man who gets in touch with you is after one thing only. Something just didn’t seem right.
Let me take a break from my story to share the flags one would pick up (and flags you should pick up too):
Flag 1 He said he was Italian and grew up in France. Yet when spoken to in the little Italian or French anyone could interpret, he couldn’t respond. You want to know the reason? “I grew up in France but never got to learn the language”. What?!? As a child wherever you grow up you learn the language so quickly. And also, if your home language is Italian, 10-1 you are speaking it too with your parents, right?
Flag 2 He had 2 daughters studying at Stellenbosch University – that is great what are their names? Karen and Charmaine. Seriously? Those are not Italian or French names or anywhere near.
Flag 3 He said he lived on Rivonia Rd – now as those of you who live in Gauteng know most of Rivonia Rd is made up of companies – very little housing. Turns out the address was for Executive Apartments. Hmm, interesting.
Flag 4 Since there was only his first name one couldn’t google him – no surname.
Flag 5 When time was scheduled to meet, at the last minute something came up and he couldn’t. And remember all his pictures were only of him – no family or daughters.
Anyway, so he had to go to Dubai for business – he was looking at purchasing equipment to start up his own business.
Flag 6 He bought a one way ticket to Dubai – who does that? Any businessman has a return ticket and also, if he is working for a company, he would need to put in leave and return at some time. And when asked how long he would be there – he replied when my business is done. What about the company you work for? Surely they don’t let you go for as long as you want? This did not gel well with me.
But I carried on. I wanted to see where this was going. Stupid man – who did he think he was fooling.
A week had passed, still going good so far. He then mentions he is now going to take a cab to go and do his business. But then ……
Flag 7 A picture is sent of himself in the driver’s seat of a car, with a jacket and scarf and dark glasses smiling with a caption – “Yay it is Friday.” Hello?!? Dubai has degrees of 30-40 where do you wear a jacket and scarf in the middle of that hot season? Seriously? And for heaven’s sake he said he was taking a cab!
Anyway, within the 2nd week, a message comes through he is having a terrible day. (D-Day!! Ding ding ding! Wait for it …. here it comes …..) He says that his bank won’t release the funds for him to purchase his equipment. Tada!!!!!!!
Flag 8 Most payments are made online or through a bank account when purchasing equipment and not done in person, you usually pay into an account, or make plans. He did not. And of course …..
Flag 9 Tada!!!! “Can you help me out with finance?” There you have it! Of course, the answer was no. Seriously!
He then calls – he has now spoken to his daughter who is coming up from Stellenbosch to speak to his friend ….. wait for it ……
Flag 10 “Can you please pay for her ticket from Cape Town?” Ay yai yai yai!
And of course, messages come through saying you don’t care, …. etc, etc. Before he could be reported on the website, he had taken down his profile. In fact, whilst he was giving me the run down of how unsupportive I was, he changed his profile pic and I thought – ” There he goes, getting ready for the next victim”.
Do you see how many flags came up? I just mentioned 10 when there was a few more.
Enough about me – let me tell you about a good friend of mine who was not too interested on going on a dating website, however, some guy had come into her Instagram wanting to be her friend and chat. She sent me his picture and asked me what I think as she was beaming and so excited that this good looking man would be connecting with her, even though she didn’t know him from a bar of soap. And of course, in her excitement, she asked me what I thought as this was exactly the type of man she would go for. Even her daughter thought he was a catch.
I think I burst her bubble because I wasn’t so excited. So I tried to sound happy for her yet all I could tell her was the picture was too good to be true. But I told her go and check out the following:
- Google him
- Check out his Facebook page
- Invariably you will only find 2-3 pictures of him and no one else
- He has not been on Facebook very long so not much to read about him – almost nothing on his profile
- His wife probably passed away from cancer or he caught his wife in bed with another man
- Probably has a daughter somewhere
I also encouraged her to carry on the conversations to see how far he would go before he revealed his true self. And I could go on. Well within a week I think she realised he was not all he said he was. After chatting to me she says her radar was heightened. She started picking up that ….
He said he was Irish and lived in the USA. Yet his language was not consistent with an English speaking person – very broken and not good English. There were a lot of discrepancies.
There were many flags which we picked up along the way. And I didn’t want to dampen her feelings, but she was vulnerable enough to fall for this guy. Jerk!
And hang on … you think they only try their luck on dating sites? They now get brave and send you an email saying they know LinkedIn is a business site, but they saw your profile, find you beautiful and captivating and would like to get to know you more. First of all, where do they get my email address if they are not connected to me? Well he is still waiting for a reply – he will wait a very long, long time.
Okay, so what should you look for or read when someone connects with you?
1. Connection on dating website
- Be careful when reading their profile that somewhere in their writing they tend to harp on the fact that they are there to meet the woman of their dreams and someone to spend the rest of their life with.
- Their pictures are too perfect – posed almost
2. Connection on Facebook
- If you don’t know him or he only has one or two friends that you know of – check out his posts.
- How long has he been on Facebook – probably only a few months
- There are only 2-3 (maybe 5) pictures on the profile and all only of him
- If you dig deep enough into his posts you will probably come up with some random woman who has told him where to get off
3. Watch the language in their messages. You can pick up immediately if they are for real or not. And if he keeps saying “ma” everyone now and again – dead give away!
4. Some like to send you pictures of their cars, houses, businesses to impress and they want to know what you drive, where you stay – they are fishing and trying to impress to catch you
5. Most of the time these scammers work on an oil rig, in construction, in the army in US.
6. And whatever you do, if they ask you for financial help – you don’t do it. They play on your emotions – that is why they keep you going for about a week or two before they ask. They will tell you there was an accident on the rig, or their daughter/son had an accident and they can’t afford medical, or like me, his bank would not release funds or he needs an air ticket for his daughter, etc. Don’t buy into it.
And the latest way for scammers to try and get to know you ….. I almost fell off my chair laughing when I saw this …..
A lady wants to friend me on Facebook, she knows one or two people I know so I assume she is a PA. Turns out I get a message in Facebook Messenger with a heck of a long, long, long message about how her cousin saw my profile and was interested, blah, blah, blah. Would I please email him, blah, blah, blah. No freaking way! What on earth will they do next?
Just be careful – get dude alert smart. There are other ways, better ways to meet someone – and that someone will come at the right time. Yes, I have heard of success stories on the dating websites, they do happen but there is a lot more nonsense and scammers out there, lurking, waiting, in dark corners of the web, on the side so that they can catch you.
Happy dating ladies!
If you have anything you could share of your experiences on the dating websites, good or bad, I would love to hear from you.